Jo's Blog

I've been wanting to write about breastfeeding ever since Will was born but life with 3 darling children doesn't allow much time for blogging so it has been a while.

Breastfeeding is a really emotive subject and, as with most aspects of bringing up children, there is plenty written on either side of the debate. I don't write with any agenda other than providing an account of my experience. It might be useful to someone I guess?

Follow up:

When I was pregnant we enrolled in NCT classes. I did these for two reasons; to prepare myself for the scary childbirth experience and to meet other people in our area who were also having a baby at the same time at me. The NCT have their own agenda which seems to be to promote natural childbirth and to empower parents to exercise choice during the process of giving birth. I found the classes useful and particularly enjoyed the two sessions on breastfeeding. However the bizarre thing about the NCT is they just won't talk about formula and bottles. 'Just follow the advice on the side of the pack' was as far as we got to getting any input at all. Encouraging breastfeeding is fine but refusing to discuss the alternative seemed strange. It wasn't a problem for us as we had bottle fed the twins and knew all about bottles, sterilising, formula etc but to not even allow us to talk about this option seemed to leave us all a little uninformed.

My reasons for wanting to breastfeed were many. It seemed the natural thing to do for a start. God has blessed me with a fine pair of bosoms so it seemed sensible to put them to good use. Plus I wanted to experience the intimacy of breast feeding, something I had missed out on with the twins. Also I felt it would be a very convenient choice, just easy to whip out a boob and feed Will wherever we were. I was also aware of the positive health benefits for Will and wanted to give him whatever advantages we could. I thought about the fact it would save us a fortune in formula, plus I wanted some help to get rid of the pregnancy weight. So there were many plus points as far as I was concerned. However, I wasn't anti formula for Will I just wanted to give breastfeeding a go. I knew that our first two had thrived on formula so I didn't feel it was the wrong choice for Will, it was just that I thought I could manage to breastfeed him instead.

So as I prepared for Will's arrival I genuinely thought I had made an informed choice but I also thought I would be able to be pragmatic about it. I knew breastfeeding wasn't as easy as I thought it should be. I had been firmly warned by other friends about how tricky it could be. Yet, somehow, I thought it would be so easy and so natural. I was wrong.

I just couldn't do it at all. I discovered that our boy wasn't intially keen on sucking at first. I found out that my enormous boobs were great but my nipples were rubbish and small and flat. I found out that wanting to do it and being prepared to try very hard just wasn't enough to carry us through. We used a nipple shield, I expressed milk and give it to Will by syringe, by spoon, by a cup. I tried different holds, different cushions, different nipple shields all to no avail. My boobs hurt, the bras were rubbish, I leaked everywhere and it hurt too, mainly on the left side. Plus when he was hungrier in the night I ended up feeding for about four hours solid. It was grim.

Also you have to realise that the hardest part of breastfeeding coincides with you feeling tired after the birth, sore after your c-section, full of hormones and terribly terribly weepy. The midwifes were mainly great and encouraging but some are a bit overpowering at times. The breastfeeding counsellor never returned my call and I didn't have the confidence to do the 24hr skin to skin contact that seemed to be the solution to all breastfeeding issues. Plus Harry felt excluded from the process entirely and the twins had no idea what to make of Mummy being welded to the sofa for hours at a time with her boobs out! I limped on for 9 days entirely breastfeeding then caved in and gave him a bottle. He fed beautifully, zonked out straight after and slept for a couple of hours. The decision was made. And I cried buckets about it. I thought I'd failed him. I felt like I'd failed myself.

Now 3 months on it seems ridiculous to have agonised so much about it. Will is thriving and putting on weight beautifully. Harry has been able to have an active part in feeding his son, Kitty rushes around with a bottle feeding her dolly, we can feed out and about without me having to preserve my dignity and generally the world is a happier place. I wish I could have breastfed in the same way I wish I could have had a natural birth - but neither happened the way I hoped. Yet the end result is the a wonderful, happy and healthy baby boy. I wouldn't swap that for any of the 'experiences' that I've missed out on.

So if you are reading this before the birth of your child then I wish you every success. I hope you do manage to achieve breastfeeding if that is something you want to do. Some people clearly take to it like a duck to water. Lots of people I know didn't find it hard at all. But if you don't want to do it or find that you can't do it then please, please, please don't feel guilty about it. Just enjoy feeding your baby and know that you are giving him the best start in life by loving him and nurturing him. And lets start a campaign to get formula feeding discussed at NCT classes!